The purpose of marriage is love

An interview about having many children with Archpriest Pavel Velikanov, rector of the Pyatnitsky Metochion of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra in Sergiev Posad, associate professor of the Moscow Theological Academy, editor-in-chief of the Bogoslov.Ru portal, is commented by Archpriest Maxim Pervozvansky, father of many children, editor-in-chief of the Naslednik magazine

Sovietization is not to blame for the disunity of people, but industrialization

The article by Archpriest Pavel consists of two very different parts, unequal both in volume and content. In the first part, he writes about the state of modern Orthodox Russian society in general, while linking things that, in my opinion, are completely incorrect to link, something like warm and green. He says that the disunity of modern society is connected with Soviet history. I strongly disagree with this. And not because I have a good or bad attitude towards Soviet history, but because it’s just a mistake. with the destruction of the rural community, and it does not matter what type this industrialization takes place – socialist or capitalist. Enclosure in England destroyed society as much as collectivization and industrialization in Russia in the 30s, and then the 40s and 60s. Because an industrial society requires a human individual living on his own. Karl Marx also said that labor should become a commodity, which is not the case in traditional societies.

Therefore, with all the complexity and tragedy of the history of our country in the twentieth century, in no case should all problems be attributed to Sovietization. Everywhere, whether in Russia, in the USA, in India or China, where capitalism arises, industrial-type cities, and then megacities, the degree of disunity rises sharply. Even in a modern village it is high, but much lower than in a modern small town, and in a metropolis it is quite large. And it does not matter what kind of metropolis it is – Moscow or New York. Even in an Orthodox parish, which is quite stable and friendly, the people serving in the service often do not know each other. And the neighbors living in the same entrance, it’s good if they say hello in the elevator – this means that there is a very healthy atmosphere in this entrance. The society is really seriously divided.

Having many children is not a panacea

Now about having many children. Of course, having many children is not a panacea if people in the family, in relationships, in their inner lives have some serious problems.

If people in everyday life do not live for each other, but live for the sake of their own egoism; if they do not have the desire, desire or opportunity to solve their basic material problems – where to live, what to eat, what to wear; – if the Lord does not give parents love for children, if the psyche of the parents is unstable, if the husband and wife (no matter how they build their family – patriarchal, equal or matriarchal) do not have balanced relationships, then having many children will not only not help, but, on the contrary, will aggravate and will bring the death of the family closer.

Of course, a large family in relation to a number of external influences is much more vulnerable than a family with few children – a mother, father and one or two minor children (a model common in an industrial society). Because in the case of, for example, a serious illness of one of the children, the attention of the parents is completely switched to solving this problem, and the rest of the children are deprived of any parental attention. Therefore, under some serious influences, a large family turns out to be unstable.

But if the problems of the basic level are solved – the family has a place to live, there is something to eat – if the parents in the family love each other, if their relations are at least somewhat balanced, then a large family turns out to be a self-regulating system. And a lot of problems that are in

A small family has to decide on purpose, in a large family they are solved automatically. This is the law of complexity – in a complex system, problems of a simple level are solved automatically.

Therefore, if this complexity can be maintained in a harmonious and balanced way, then living in a large family is simply wonderful, and the children are happy there, there are no problems with upbringing, education, life motivation, with love, mutual assistance, and so on.

The purpose of marriage, from a Christian point of view, is love, not the number of children. Children are the fruits of this love. Of course, if a husband and wife who do not love each other live with three children at the station, I would not advise them to give birth to a fourth. Only if there is enough love, especially if the Lord supports this love with material opportunities, a large family is wonderful and Orthodox.

Prepared by Maria Stroganova